Three Poems By Swati Moheet Agrawal

Home looks different now,
littered with baby stuff –
sensory toys and books,
musical mat, ball pool,
Legos, doodle pad, et al.
Home,
I still try to keep it spotless and clean,
but does it really matter,
how neatly or haphazardly the books are arranged,
how the white sofa and walls are stained,
how the playmat is tattered with time!
Home,
toddler giggles and meltdowns,
hurried mornings and messy afternoons,
Some days are excruciatingly slow,
others,
heartbreakingly fast.
Home,
in the dead of the night,
when the world is deep in slumber,
and you wake and cry!
Does anyone see how I pacify you at 1 in the night?
At 2:30 a.m.? At 3-30 a.m. again?
Does anyone see the tears I shed in the shower,
the ones I wipe away before anyone can ask if I’m okay?
Home,
the place where I discover a quiet strength I never knew I had.
Home,
the place where I find calm amidst the chaos.
Home,
a haven where I am made and remade continually!

Falling in love with the sunset
doing what I like: drinking good tea,
dusting sugar over toasted bread,
and writing poetry.
Ageing Indian woman in an oversized
winter sweatshirt. Grateful enough.
Savouring homemade avocado popsicles,
the moon blooming in through the living
room window. The distant hum of slow traffic.
Learning French as a second language.
C'est la vie!
And then, just like that! Falling in love
with my fading self: grey hair,
diastasis recti, moles et al.
Today isn’t about doing, just being.
I take a breath, I feel the quiet,
I let the moon caress me, I soak up the sun.
The big things glitter, but it is the small things
that make the heart glow.

Rocking you in the dark,
the whole house steeped in quietude,
except for the soft creaking of the bed.
You finally fall asleep in my arms,
your fragile hands curled affectionately around my neck.
I don’t put you down.
I hold you tight, very tight,
the warmth of your skin,
the sound of your breath,
tears of gratitude roll down.
It hits me all at once –
how fleeting this moment is.
Someday you will grow up,
someday you will outgrow my protective arms,
so let me rock you a little longer,
let me hug you tighter,
let me kiss you one more time before I put you down.
Oh yes,
my shoulders ache,
my back hurts,
my eyes burn from exhaustion,
but it hardly matters
because one day I’ll look back on these nights and
wish I could have just one more.
Love you so much!