Art by Dheeraj Kumar
It has been said many times before
the only meaningful way
we know to materialize
is to pass on the name
so I traffic in the web of
amorphous biochemical and electrical impulses
to understand why I was given
the name of a mythical Hindu god
who cursed his son to turn queer
what has been attempted to emphasize here:
the curse, cursed or the curser?
the implications of relevance of this myth
should be argued but cannot be dismissed
especially when
the palpable dissonance of one’s ideal beliefs
have always lingered amidst
the smog of camphor and the scent of sandalwood
I’ve often found myself engulfed in
the quicksand of ambivalence
surrounding my faith and demand
a context of this forlorn controversy
but it was never provided
never accounted for
through the destructive disposition of time
the mechanics of a devotional fraud
has been exposed to me
which seeks to
philosophically politicize and erase
every otherness of existence
in the name of religion
I’ll never make peace with my name
even though I have to accept
it’s mine and always will be
I have to respond to it
whenever someone calls me that
without thinking of the cruelty it carries
I have to spell it out
and write it down
when asked for
because it won’t leave me
because I can’t run away from it.
Aaditya Pandey
#AadityaPandey #LGBTQ #queer
It has been said many times before
the only meaningful way
we know to materialize
is to pass on the name
so I traffic in the web of
amorphous biochemical and electrical impulses
to understand why I was given
the name of a mythical Hindu god
who cursed his son to turn queer
what has been attempted to emphasize here:
the curse, cursed or the curser?
the implications of relevance of this myth
should be argued but cannot be dismissed
especially when
the palpable dissonance of one’s ideal beliefs
have always lingered amidst
the smog of camphor and the scent of sandalwood
I’ve often found myself engulfed in
the quicksand of ambivalence
surrounding my faith and demand
a context of this forlorn controversy
but it was never provided
never accounted for
through the destructive disposition of time
the mechanics of a devotional fraud
has been exposed to me
which seeks to
philosophically politicize and erase
every otherness of existence
in the name of religion
I’ll never make peace with my name
even though I have to accept
it’s mine and always will be
I have to respond to it
whenever someone calls me that
without thinking of the cruelty it carries
I have to spell it out
and write it down
when asked for
because it won’t leave me
because I can’t run away from it.
Aaditya Pandey
#AadityaPandey #LGBTQ #queer
